so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize