The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
