She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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