I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize