dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
