I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
