I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
