I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
