I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
