If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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