he shaved USA in his pubs
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
