I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
