You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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