Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
