Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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