Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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