So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
