I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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