I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
