You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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