There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
