apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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