i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
