It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
