it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
