when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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