i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
