thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
