I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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