Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
