this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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