you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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