a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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