Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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