On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
