I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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