He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize