You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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