i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
