I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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