no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
