Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
