Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
