Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
