I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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