don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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