I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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