CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
