we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
