Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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