if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
