i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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