She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
