dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
