I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
