Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
