New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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