2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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