just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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