clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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