she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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