Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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