they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
