He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
