You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
