I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
