you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
