I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize