Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
time to smoke my breakfast
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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