i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
