Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
