so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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