you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
