Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
