She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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