My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
