Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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