I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize