god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
