You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
