so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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