Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
