I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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