I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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