the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
