Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
