Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
