I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The Olympian is in my bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
