hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
