pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
