I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize