You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
