I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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