I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize