U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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