Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
