i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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