I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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