You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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