the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you would pick up someone in the library
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize