I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
