I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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