I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
